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He who angers you, conquers you...  Elizabeth Kenny 

 

 

 Do you think you may have a problem with anger? 

  

Is your job in jeopardy because of your angry attitude? 

Are you required to attend anger management classes?

Is your relationship suffering from your angry outbursts?

Have you ever experienced road rage? 

 

Contact Santa Barbara Psychotherapy® now for a free confidential phone consultation.

Confidential individual sessions available. 

 

Phone: 805.452.4054 | kristine@santabarbarapsychotherapy.com

 

12-Week Anger Management Groups Beginning Every Few Months.

Call 805-963-7777 to sign up for a group or to obtain additional information.

This group meets court and workplace requirements for mandated anger management counseling.

Groups are appropriate for both men and women and for voluntary, as well as mandated, participants. Your participation remains confidential. Groups cost $20 per session/week and run for 12 weeks.

Veterans-only group also meets weekly on an ongoing basis.

Inquire at 805-963-7777 for group information. Contact 805-452-4054 for individual anger management counseling.

 

Taming the Temper: Why Am I So Gosh-Darned Angry All the Time? Op-Ed Piece, Santa Barbara Independent


         
When Does Anger Become a Problem?
    
In the most general sense, anger is a feeling or emotion that ranges from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.  People often confuse anger with aggression.  Aggression is behavior that is intended to cause harm to another person or damage property.  This behavior can include verbal abuse, threats, or violent acts.  Anger, on the other hand, is an emotion and does not necessarily lead to aggression.  Therefore, a person can become angry without acting aggressively.
    
A term relating to rage and aggression is hostility.  Hostility refers to a complex set of attitudes and judgments that motivate aggressive behaviors.  Whereas anger is an emotion and aggression is a behavior, hostility is an attitude that involves disliking others and evaluating them negatively.
     
Anger becomes a problem when it is felt too intensely, is felt too frequently, or is expressed inappropriately.
          
Power and Control:   
The unhealthy manifestation of anger is about power and control.  People can misuse power and control to get their needs met in relationship with others and in situations that involve conflict, particularly when they feel threatened or insecure. This misuse of power and control is learned from others, often at a young age, and can become a normal pattern of behavior for some people. 

  
Triggers:  
There are situations and behaviors that really make us angry.  These are called triggers and need to be identified so that we can learn to take charge of our anger.  Anger can be caused by both external and internal triggers.  An external trigger might be someone’s behavior that causes us distress (such as a coworker or spouse) or an event (such as a traffic jam or a canceled flight).  An example of an internal trigger is a faulty message or internal dialogue that we give ourselves that get us all worked up. Sometimes these thoughts are based on assumptions or incorrect information.  Memories of trauma and conflict and traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.  
  
Cues: 
Anger needs to be expressed for healthy adjustment.  Like other emotions, anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.  Indicators like rapid breathing, a racing pulse, or a raised tone of voice are cues to your escalating anger.

Cues are your signals, or warnings.  Cues let you know that you are getting angry.  Your cues are part of the buildup or escalation phase of your anger.
 Types of cues: 
  • Situations – problem situations that you know create a context in which you usually escalate, e.g., holidays, discipline of children.
  • Red Flag Words – words that are unique to you and that you are especially sensitive to because of past events. These events can involve internal processes (e.g., thinking about situations that were anger provoking in the past) or external processes (e.g., experiencing real-life, anger-provoking situations in the here and now).
  • Physical changes – the way your body registers stress, e.g., muscle tightness, stomach tension, clenched fists and jaws.
  • Negative Self-talk – negative thoughts you say to yourself (not out loud), e.g., “I’ll show him who’s boss.”
  • Mental Imagery – Mental pictures and visualizations during escalation – things you see in your mind’s eye, e.g., picturing that your spouse is out using again.
  • Emotional – Feelings you have during your escalation, e.g., powerlessness, scared, hurt, ashamed, desperate.

Studies show that the average person has between 14 to 15 anger episodes per day.  These often arise when our expectations are not met upon demand.  Although to feel angry is within the normal limits of human emotions, it is often mismanaged and misdirected.  Unfortunately, we have been socialized to suppress our feelings of anger.  As a result, anger either tears us apart from the inside (ulcers) or promotes intermittent eruptions of verbal or physical abuse.  In many cases, we do not deal with our anger in a healthy manner. 

       

Substance Use and Anger:

Substance use and abuse often coexist with anger and violence.  Data from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services National Household Survey on Drug Abuse, for example, indicated that 40 percent of frequent cocaine users reported engaging in some form of violent behavior.  Anger and violence often can have a causal role in the initiation of drug and alcohol use and can also be a consequence associated with substance abuse.

        

Individuals who experience traumatic events, for example, often experience anger and act violently, as well as abuse drugs or alcohol.  Many people struggling with substance abuse and mental health issues are victims of traumatic life events, which, in turn, lead to substance use, anger, and violence.

Five Sources of Anger
1. Safety and Well-Being
2. Power and Control 
3. Perfection and Pride
4. Self-Sufficiency and Autonomy
5. Self-Esteem, Feeling Important, Status

What Anger Is:

  • A response to an emotion.
  • A source of discovery.
  • Normal and appropriate.
  • A part of assertion.
  • A gift.
  • A healthy release.
  • A form of protection.
 What Anger Isn’t:
  • Blaming
  • Sarcasm
  • Violence
  • Vindictiveness
  • Viciousness
  • Punitiveness
  • Aggression
  • Sulking
  • Manipulation
  • Scapegoating


         

Suggestions for Managing Your Anger:

  • Take a time out
  • Keep an anger journal
  • Monitor your anger
  • Don't ignore, avoid or repress your feelings
  • Identify potentially explosive situations before they happen
  • Develop realistic expectations for yourself and others
  • Learn problem-solving techniques
  • Stay in shape
  • Use empathy
  • Take responsibility for your actions
  • Learn to anticipate your anger
  • Employ self-care
  • Learn to forgive


    
Reading on Anger:       
        
The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner

When Anger Hurts by Kim Paleg & Matthew McKay

The Anger Control Workbook by Matthew McKay & Peter Rogers

The Macho Paradox by Jackson Katz

Angry Young Men by Aaron Kipnis

The Angry Child by Tim Murphy and Loriann Hoff Oberlin

A Volcano in My Tummy by Elaine Whitehouse and Warwick Pudney

Santa Barbara Psychotherapy® is a private psychotherapy practice owned and operated by Kristine Schwarz, a licensed marriage and family therapist and a licensed professional clinical counselor.  Private psychotherapy sessions are available by appointment only.  For bilingual, low cost or sliding scale fee appointments, visit www.santabarbarapsychotherapy.com and click on the Links section.